Wednesday, November 28, 2012

The Unspoken Woes

Let's start with the simple and easy.
I purchased a new set of headphones, and I'm still deciding how I feel about them. They're those over the ear ones that set inside your ear, but not really. I hope that makes sense, I can't post a picture quite yet, but I guess they're pretty cool. They cancel out noise for the most part. Though when my Skype bleeps, it comes through the laptop speakers and not my headphones, which is pretty trippy.
On to the harder things.
I've become a Whovian. Yes, as in I am terribly in love with The Doctor. I admit! Aside from his charming personalities over the years, the character is filled with so much intrigue and excitement, how can you not be attracted to him in some way? That aside, while I am QUITE found of the 10th Doctor as played by David Tennant, it is the 9th Doctor as played by Christopher Eccleston that is breaking this lady's heart tonight.
He has these moments that are so intense, and so heartwrenching. He's this ball of fiery unabashed passion ready to tear apart anything that might threaten to hurt the things he loves. While in this show, it pertains to Earth and the humans that reside on it, particularly Rose Tyler as portrayed by Billie Piper, it's this look he gets. His face becomes stone, his body becomes still, and those blue, blue eyes pierce through my chest, causing my heart to skip a beat.
Today I realize it's because that's the same look my husband got in his eyes when he set his sights on me, after months and months of my waiting. Insert sob fest and tears here.
I like to consider myself a strong person, I really do, but every now again, I just have to have a break down. One person can only take so much, and I know that's okay.
Most days are fine. All day, everyday, one foot in front of another, take one day at a time, keep pushing through, another day closer. These are things that run through my head on a regular basis. They have to. With Bug and Gnat beside me, we push through the days one at a time, but those are the days, and these are the nights. The house is still. Even the cats are curled up sleeping, and here I am, sitting at the kitchen table where I've taken up shop, with every light in the surrounding area on, repeating to myself that it's all going to be okay.
I know everything will be okay. I'm a rational and logical person, but there are nights like tonight when I just wish I could lean up against my husband, have him wrap his arms around me, and reassure me with a simple kiss that things really, truly are going to be okay. These are the unspoken woes. The moments I generally keep to myself. I have family and friends who just see that woman that stands strong, shrugs her shoulders when there's yet another change of schedule; once more there's not an e-mail waiting in my inbox for me like there is in theirs, and having to make all the responsible decisions on my own.
I started this post off with the Doctor, not just because he looks like my husband, but because those times between the Doctor's companions, where you see his face completely fall, and the fangirl hearts go out to him in protest that he's lost yet another person; these are things I experience as a military wife. It's another time of saying "talk to you later", and while I may have known this was the life before I got into it, that doesn't make it any easier.
For the most part, this is the end of this post. I'm going to recompose myself, and go back to one breath at a time, another moment ticking down to when I'll be able to hear from my husband once again, and prepare for the next adventure life will be throwing this way. More to come about that tomorrow.
Remember to hug the ones you love extra tight tonight, and hug them an extra time for those of us sitting in fully lit houses for comfort.